Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
