Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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