The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
