You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
