i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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