literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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