Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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