First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
