best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
