I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
