I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
