meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
