I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
