I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
