I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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