my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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