Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
