dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
