Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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