Tell her she can't have a vagina
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
