apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
