69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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