so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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