I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
