ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
