Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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