You really coming over, don't trick.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
