Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
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