and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
