Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
