I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
