You're so nebulous sometimes
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
