He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
