What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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