she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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