This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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