It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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