i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize