laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
