This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
