I just saw a hot homeless man
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
