y did u give ur computer a hand job?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
