She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
