Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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