She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
