why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
