that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
