i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
