Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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