Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
