East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
