just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
