this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
