So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm like, not good at living.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
