Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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