as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
