Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
