Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
