dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
