he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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