this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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