Welp...herpes.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
