Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
