i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
