The maid of honor just puked.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize