Don't you send me to vm
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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