my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize