One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
