just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
