called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
