I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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