Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
