Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
