My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
