I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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